Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
