What a fucking waste of an outfit
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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