FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
