she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I just sharted jello shots
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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