are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
