i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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