I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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