do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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