Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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