mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
