i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
