Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
