You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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