She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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