Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
