Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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