I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
