if i can run in heels then i can drive
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
