if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
