My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
