Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
