bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
