so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
