garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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