I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
