some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
