we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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