the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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