ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
