"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
