May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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