i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
