Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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