my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
