just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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