He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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