That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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