Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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