I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
