Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
