I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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