She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
