Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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