Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
