i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize