I am spending my child support on dildos
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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