i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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