I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
