just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
