so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
