I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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