There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize