if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
