Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
