somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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