The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
