Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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