its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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