Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
