just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There r osticjed everywhere
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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