there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
