I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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